Dear Nubar Diamont,
This isn’t an easy letter to write. We were once so close, you and I. Remember how I searched for years to find you? I was with so many others, but none had your brilliance. No one else protected me as much as you did. No one else dried so quickly. No one else lasted as long. No one else could compare to how level you were.
But now things have gone terribly wrong. You have changed in ways I cannot understand. You are so thin now. You take forever to dry. In fact I don’t think I could even call you fast-drying anymore, which cuts me to my very core. I opened you up recently fully expecting the joy of what you once were but 10 minutes later, my nails were still sticky and wet. I was crushed.
Others have noticed this change as well. It’s not me, it’s you.
I will never forget the good times we had though, please know this. I remember the time I used you over three coats of OPI Ink and 20 minutes later I was making my bed. I remember when I dented my polish when it was still wet and I was so distraught. I rushed to apply you, and you smoothed everything over so nicely. I will cherish these memories always.
Alas I must end this relationship now because I don’t have the time to devote to you any longer. I need someone who can live up to my expectations, and you let me down. I can only hope that one day you will return to your former glorious self. The self I fell madly for and won’t ever forget.
Your former devotee,