The Adventures of Bathroom Hunting in San Francisco
This was me yesterday afternoon. Except I wasn’t a cat.
I had a particularly “active” bladder day, considering I drank the same amount of liquid as I usually do.
I was on the way home (which incidentally takes an hour and a half from door to door and three modes of transportation. Company bus to train station. Train to my stop. Car to home) trying to focus on my iPhone rather than the fact that I *really* needed to pee again.
Let’s back up: I kind of had an inkling (not tinkling) I needed to go while I was waiting for my train, but didn’t have time. For you non-Bay Area folks, the train station bathrooms for all underground stations have been closed since 9/11 (REALLY CONVENIENT), but I wasn’t at one of those. However, I had no time because my train was coming in 4 minutes. Also unlike parts of Europe, we do not have bathrooms on our trains.
So I decided to push through the slight nag and pretend everything was normal.
I got on the train, sat down and checked my tweets, Facebook, etc. all the while pretending the urge wasn’t getting stronger. “It’s only a 30 minute ride, you can TOTALLY handle this” I said to myself. I texted Mr. VV and told him I really needed to go, as though that would relieve some of the pressure on my bladder. It didn’t.
About 10 minutes later I was closing in on the last San Francisco train stop before the long 5 minute ride through the transbay tube, underwater. WATER=PEE. I decided I was going to pee my pants if I didn’t get off and find a bathroom. I got off at Embarcadero, called Mr. VV told him I was dying and needed to find a bathroom. I figured it would only take me 5 minutes and I would be on the next train home, maybe 10 minutes later than usual.
I went up the stairs at some random street exit I didn’t even look at, and found myself standing in the middle of all these office buildings, with not much else around. I walked around for a second, and saw a Peet’s Coffee. Score!!
Just as I was walking in, a guy in front of me grabbed the bathroom key, so I went to stand in line behind him. It was 4:00. At 4:05 I was like “DUDE, WTF, get out of the bathroom!”. Two women were also waiting behind me. At 4:07 I was about to lose my mind, so I left in a panicky huff.
I then walked into a high-rise office building and decided to get on an elevator. But there were these weird numbered keypads rather than an “Up” arrow button. I just randomly clicked one then an elevator opened up. I walked inside and noticed THERE WERE NO FLOOR BUTTONS! At the last second I stuck my hand out to open the door and left the office building, panicking even more.
I called Mr. VV since he knows the area better than me. As he was asking where exactly I was, I spotted a Starbucks (which are normally every single 2 inches in San Francisco). I was like “Success, found a Starbucks, walking over call you back.” I wait impatiently for the stupid red lights which were TAUNTING MY BLADDER. I crossed the street, walked in and realized it’s a GODDAMN kiosk, not a real Starbucks with a bathroom!
Livid I call Mr. VV back and was like “This is the stupidest situation ever, that Starbucks had no bathroom!!!!” He asked me what streets I was on, I told him and he said hang on gonna find somewhere on my phone. I started walking down the street away from the water side of the Embarcadero, and spotted a Subway Sandwich shop.
I walked in triumphant once again, only to realize this too was a farce. No bathroom. I even asked the girl at the counter and she said there wasn’t one. I decided I should just pee my pants. Hell, I was wearing a black trenchcoat, no one would even notice. Alas, I couldn’t.
Mr. VV called me back and told me to keep walking away from water and that I should see another Starbucks and maybe a Chipotle. Finally I DO see another Starbucks. I rushed over only to discover YET AGAIN PEOPLE, that it’s another kiosk with no bathroom! O.O What on earth happened to all the bathrooms in this godforsaken city?
I rushed out (possibly definitely saying the F-word really loudly) and then I saw on the other side of the street another Starbucks. I crossed over and saw indeed there was a bathroom inside!! It had a lock where you needed the password though of course. And of course there were people in line. Finally I got up to the counter and when the guy asked what I wanted I said “I need a chocolate chip cookie and the pin number to the bathroom.” He told me and thank god it was open and clean and I could pee to my hearts content. At that point I didn’t care if it was the filthiest bathroom on planet earth, I would have gone on the floor if I had privacy.
By the time I got back to the train and on my way home it was already 4:35. I would have been at my train stop by 4:20 normally, but because of this fiasco I didn’t get there until 5:00. Seems as though I could have in fact waited. 
-Kelly
Haha aww you poor girl!
amber´s last post…Polish Giveaway!
Hi amber,
It was like I was being punked, totally unreal, haha!
omg I have that dilemma ALWAYS in sf though now I know which starbuckses are ‘real’ haha I swear just before I saw this post I went to a starbucks on california in laurel village for restroom purposes (& code memorized) after leaving another starbucks on divisadero & bush st 10 mins prior (where I of course didn’t have an urge to go) haha in the embarcadero a safe choice is the ferry bldg. it’s always open at least for rain cover & baño. also the starbucks on california just in front of the hyatt I’m pretty sure has one.. I feel your pain!
Hi mjMuffin,
It’s quite the dilemma, haha! I was blocks from the Ferry Building though at the time, sigh.
Same thing happened to me once, except I was on my way to catch a plane, so I stopped at a random metro station(we have toilets in the metro, but this one was closed) so I continued my ride until my destination, and finally when I couldn’t hold it in anymore I saw a hotel and went in asked if I could use their toilets and did my bussines in there.
Ruxandra´s last post…OPI – Houston we have a purple
Hi Ruxandra,
I have used hotels downtown also, haha!
I can totally understand that dilemma! SF is such a terrible place to find a bathroom (presumably all the homeless folks who ask to go), so whenever I do ride the BART there, I make sure that I drink little to no water before spending the whole day across the bay.
Hi Anna,
Good plan!
LOL!!! sf is virtually bathroom-free, i discovered that when my office (and bathroom) closed at 5 without me, and i almost peed my pantaloons. luckily my walgreens on bush and sansome has a bathroom! (for your future reference, should you need to locate one in the future)
nikole´s last post…butter london – no more waity- katienot sure if this is limited
Hi nikole,
Thanks for the tip maybe I should make a list on my phone of where to go in case this happens again!
There must be an app for that!
Karen (lacednotes)´s last post…Whats in my purse
I think there is one already
Ruxandra´s last post…H&Ms peppermint fusion
Reading this made me feel all panicky, lol. Isn’t that the worst feeling?
Hi Mara,
Indeed it is!
Ohhh…that is the worst. I too have been in situations where I’ve almost said f@%* it, I’ll just go in my pants! I feel you pain!
Hi Rebecca,
It sucks, they need to make bathrooms more available. Especially at the damn train stations, it’s ridiculous that they have been closed for a decade now!
but would you REALLY use a bart bathroom? I surely would not, i would pee my pants first!
What about those round things on the streets that are ads on the outside and bathrooms on the inside? I see those everywhere.
Also, i hate those elevators!
Hi sarah,
I would have to be SUPER desperate to use a BART bathroom and have. I touch nothing, don’t sit on toilet, use napkins on handles and hand sanitizer, haha! I didn’t see any of those bathroom thingies anywhere, but I know what you’re talking about.
Next time, print out a map from this site: http://www.sitorsquat.com/sitorsquat/home/map
nikita´s last post…Nun here!
Hi nikita,
Wish I would have known that before, but thanks!
Amazing search for a bathroom, love it Kelly and sorry this had to happen to you. It has to me while driving and how can you stop in traffic and head r the trees? In this state (and others), if you are caught exposing yourself, you could get arrested as a sex offender for life! Yet, every State Trooper does it, where else can they go if they stop a speeder or an over weight ten wheeler. Construction worker crews bring out-houses for that very same problem.
I never thought of looking for a Star Bucks for a bathroom, very ingenious indeed.
Namaste.
Mc Huggs
Hi McHuggs,
Ah yes you are right, guys have it easier in some ways, yet you could be arrested, haha! Yikes.
Awwwww, poor Kelly! Where I live, the trains (well, the Metras anyway. I’m not sure about about the other two train systems in ye ol’ Windy City) have bathrooms on I believe two of the cars (never counted, but they aren’t on EVERY car). They’re itty bitty, but it you REALLY have to go, you have to go. I just hold my breath, close my eyes and think of my bathroom at home when I’m in there because I have claustrophobia!
Hi Kate & Zena,
I shudder to think how gross train bathrooms could be, but really, when you gotta go you gotta go then you use hand sanitizer!
Actually (you’re never going to believe this), the Metra bathrooms are like Switzerland bathrooms. SPARKLING FREAKING CLEAN (okay, you might find a piece of toilet paper on the floor. It is the size of a matchbox). I swear those conductors must clean them every run. My problem is the size. I’m not even 100 pounds (i.e. very skinny) and even *I* have to maneuver around in that matchbox-sized bathroom the few times I actually am on the Metra (never fails. Every time I’m on the train, I have to go to the loo). I’m lucky that I’m short so I don’t have to do the bend over and maneuver dance like my dad would! I don’t know why they put in a sink since there’s no real “running” water. Install a freaking hand sanitizer machine and I wouldn’t have to maneuver around!
HAHA.. omg, I think I’ll have to go to bathroom after finishing this comment. I can totally feel you panic, it’s the WORST! Last fall I spent 30 minutes on a train station in Bezier in the south of France looking for the bathroom. When I finally found the bathroom it only took 50 cent coins, and I swear to God I had a purse full of coins but no one that said 50. So desperatly I walked up to a lady (I speak very little French) with my hands full of random coins trying to explain my situation to her. She looked at me as if I were a criminal and walked away. Then and there I thougt I would seriously pee my pants, but my mom comes running with a 50 cent in her hand! I put the coin in the door just to realise it was allready open!! But I couldn’t be bummed then, the relief was like heaven!
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Hi nailsbybellan,
Wow that’s awful! I hate that sense of panic because panicking only makes me have to pee more. I’m like a little nervous puppy
Awww, Kelly – I feel your pain! During Tropical Storm Allison here in Houston, I left the office that Tuesday with a bottle of water to make it home – only it flooded 2 blocks from my apartment and I pulled into a car wash and waited from 6:30 p.m. until 3:30 a.m. the next morning to get home so I could go to the bathroom. There was a strip bar behind the car wash and I was going to humble myself and ask if I good use it – only to find out that it wasn’t open that night because of the storm plus my cell phone went dead! To this day, I have no idea how my bladder held up! Men have it so lucky
!
Hi Sandy,
Wow! That is a LONG time holding it! I don’t think I could have. I get kidney stones also, so when I REALLY have to go, I get this “feeling” in my back kidney area that isn’t good. Men do have it sooooo much easier.
OMG! This is me…pretty much all the time. I too live in the Bay Area and commute from Richmond to SF for school. It’s damn near impossible to find a bathroom at any coffee shop/restaurant in the city. I know that this might not do you any good now but the West Oakland bathroom is open and usually…errm…clean enough. At Embarcadero, you could’ve gone to Embarcadero Center mall which is about a block from the station exits. They’re on the second floor. And the Ferry Building right at the end of the street next to the water has public restrooms too.
As you can see…I’m kind of like George Costanza in that I pretty much know where all the good bathrooms are…hehehe.
Hi Angelica,
Ahhh good information, thanks! I was thinking about holding it until West Oakland but then thought, what if West Oak isn’t open? I knew 12th and 19th weren’t so I wasn’t sure if I could hold until MacArthur. What a mess, haha!
I feel your pain! I am definitely one of those people with an overactive bladder and try to find washrooms along a route. I know where all the good ones are in the downtown area in Toronto. We have underground malls and hotels that have relatively clean ones. In some neighbourhoods, it is hard to find them, though, and coffee shops basically expect you to buy something before you use the facilities. The only other option is to start using Depends or Tena, and I am not ready for that yet.
Melli´s last post…Had to post these pics!
Hi Melli,
I sometimes think my bladder is the size of a hamster’s
I am rarely in downtown SF so this was challenging. I assumed there would be hotels all over the place but really I should have gotten off 1 or 2 stops earlier for the hotels! I shall remember that next time because the Palace Hotel is my favorite and I have used it for these purposes in the past, hee hee.
I can totally relate to this story! I always have to use the restroom in the most inconvenient times/places thus the reason I dislike roadtrips. I once had to go a hotel to use the restroom in SF. It makes me wonder if the workers in these no-bathroom places ever need to use it ?
Hi Meli,
Yes the hotels downtown are the best place to go because not only do you get to pee, you can pee in luxury, haha!
Yes, that is definitely a plus!
Kelly, I feel your pain. The city is one of the worst places to look for a bathroom! If I were you, I would’ve just caught BART back to Powell and used the bathrooms at Westfield mall or at least at one of the nearby starbucks (unlike the Financial district, these are REAL starbucks not kiosks)
That probably would’ve saved you at least 10 minutes. I’m glad you you found a restroom before your bladder collapsed! Now I need to make a list of SF bathrooms….
Hi Cindy,
I know I was debating on getting off at Powell but waited too long! Never again
Aw, you poor girl. I must admit I found myself giggling, but I do feel for you. Stories like this make me glad that I generally have the bladder of a camel. Although I do have a similar story that involves a holiday weekend, Las Vegas, the drive home and traffic literally *right outside* of Barstow going approximately .217 mph. Let’s just say I was thisclose to getting out of the car and peeing on the side of the road. Anyway, glad you made it to a ‘facility’ and didn’t need the protection of your trench coat after all
Hi Uneluneblue,
I wish my bladder was like that I pee so much, bleh!
You poor thing! I definitely know that if there’s just the slightest tickle to go. I’m sure your Mother and every other Mother out there always asks if you have to go to the bathroom. Listen to your Mom!
Heh heh heh heh. It never fails. You have to pee like a racehorse and thirty minutes feels like an eternity, every second is like an hour, crawling excruciatingly slowly. Your bathroom hunt sounds like one of my recurring dreams. lolol
I know where every sparkling clean public bathroom is here in Prescott and down in the Phoenix Metro area. A girl needs to be prepared.
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OMG that’s awful!
Phyrra´s last post…The Faerie Cloudberry
Glad you were able to find a restroom at long last! Hope you’re okay and don’t have a bladder infection, I recently had one that spread to my kidneys and I had to be near a restroom till antibiotics finally cleared it up!
Hi Gina,
No bladder infection (I have had them) but I do get kidney stones which is way worse, bleh!
Oh my. I admire your determination!!! Trauma, Trauma, Trauma…
Karen (lacednotes)´s last post…Whats in my purse
Wow this is loooong journey with pee inside :dd i know how you felt, i had situation like this few times but right now when i feel that i will have to use toilet i have few places where i know that i will be able to pee without any problem ; )
Ughh I know this story all too well! It happens to me constantly. I must have a tiny bladder, because it doesn’t take much to get me dashing to a bathroom, and I always over-estimate my bladder!
They need to develop a smart phone app with locations, reviews, quality ratings, and stipulations of public restrooms. I’m sure plenty of people find themselves in this situation.
So normally I told would never post this online for anyone to ever come back and find and read but since I had the same situation about 4 weeks ago i shall share.
This past quarter in college I had a huge (I’m talking five and a half hours) gap between classes. My morning class got out at 10:30, my next class didn’t start til 4. One Thursday a few weeks back I slept in my car during my gap and woke up to find I had to pee.. badly. From the parking lot the closest bathroom is almost a 5 min walk, including crossing across the soccer field they don’t want you to walk on (to go around takes about 8 mins but I had to pee like a mo fo so I broke the rules and walked on hte grass instead). Anyways, I walked as fast as I could to the bathroom almost thinking I would pee my pants while walking on the grass. I finally get the the bathroom after the most painful walk in my life.. I even had a severe headache cause I had to pee so bad. I run to the bathroom once I get in the building, throw my purse, text book, and gym bag on the floor (disgusting. I’m a major germ-a-phobe), dont even put a toilet seat cover on the seat (even more disgusting. i usually use two to be safe), pull down my pants, but not in time before I pee all over them and the floor. About half my pee got in the toilet and the other half soaked my pants. I had a club meeting for my major 10 mins later so I was forced to change into my gym clothes (tiny cheer shorts with no underwear cause they were soaked with pee.. disgusting, I know) and shove my pee pants in my gym bag and pray that no one would smell my pee pants in the meeting. After the meeting I had to drive 3 miles to Kohls and TJ Maxx in search of a new pair of pants and undies. Worst day ever, I totally feel you with this pee story.. but at least you didn’t pee you pants like me haha!!!I’m 22 and before this I don;t think I’ve peed my pants since elementary school. How embarrassing!!
Dori´s last post…OPI Day At The Peach
Hi Dori,
Oh man that’s awful!!! I have come THIS close to just peeing in my pants, but never quite got there. It really sucks having to deal with this, men have no idea how lucky they are. Thanks for sharing, I think a lot of people have been in similar situations
Haha no problem.. I feel like a looser that I peed my pants but your right. that women have to deal with this all the time. Morning coffee totally doesn’t help the situation either!! If not one had been around I totally would have popped a squat LOL! Thanks for sharing your story!
Dori´s last post…OPI Day At The Peach
Ugh, I hate situations like that. My solution in any city (including my own) is to find the nearest hotel, stride right in like you’re staying there and FIND THE BATHROOM. It is almost always on the first floor and super nice. The concierge and desk people don’t know that you are not a hotel guest.
Hi Sonya,
That had been my plan of action, but there were no hotels around, only office buildings. If I had gotten off 2 stops before there would have been tons! :/
I was on an international flight once (about 8 hours) and thought I planned right to where I wouldn’t have to go again during the “no getting up” phase and getting through customs… nope. As soon as the “fasten seatbelts” lights went on, I had to go. Bad. I was desperately trying to find a bathroom in customs (hahahahaha, yeah, right) because the line was about an hour long. I ended up finding an employees only entrance that was supposed to be for cleaning people… didn’t care! It had a lock, so I used it anyway and just slipped back out when no one was looking. I know why they don’t have bathrooms (so people can’t flush drugs, etc) but omg, seriously?
I also had to hold it for over an hour once when leaving a theme park… park closed, had to go… so between the bus out of the park, the train to the subway and the walk from the subway to my hotel room, I was DYING (this was that same trip to England, lol!)
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Hi Wendy,
Actually that happened to me also. I was on the plane, and had gone before landing, but suddenly had to go BAD after landing while waiting to get to the gate. I thought I would DIE, so I just said screw it, unbuckled my seatbelt and went in there anyway. I was sweating bullets, haha!
Omg. Bart sucks. Thank goodness for starbucks.
omg. I totally feel your pain. As a frequent (kidney)stoner, and uti champ, that is a living nightmare for reals
It’s one of those stories that is funny…unless it happens to you.
I went with a BF to Fargo, ND in February; 20 degrees BELOW ZERO. When we got into town, I already had to go pee for the last 30 minutes or better. We drive around in a town that is unfamiliar looking for a bathroom. After an hour (felt like 5!) we pulled into a Taco Bell. I run in to find out that the bathroom is outside, around the back of the building. I race back there, throwing back my coat and undoing my pants as I go. I get in there, sit down and the frigging toilet is soooo cold, not only did I gasp, but my ‘body parts’ froze up, as in not being able to pee. What a feeling! I had to wait a bit before my pelvic muscles relaxed so I could ‘let go.’
Reading your tale, I thought about just peeing in one of the trees/huge plants they have in office buildings. I saw a security cam catching a homeless guy doing that in a fancy hotel. Ack!
Kimberly´s last post…Narcissistic Nail Porn
OMG. that’s awful. You gotta hit the mall at Powell station or the hotels. It’s such a PITA with transit and no station bathrooms especially with delays. I work downtowe and it’s one of the reasons I always carry my office keys with me.